Every once in a while we are presented with an opportunity to make a lifetime dream come true. Chance and fate play an intricate weaving game throughout our lives and we never know if we’ll get a shot at being truly great. I recently stumbled upon a chance to go for the gold. Gold in the form of a giant cake.

This journey begins with thisiswhyyourefat.com…which was recently shut down for reasons I don’t care to investigate. Suffice it to say that out of the ashes of that website, a dream was born. There was a picture posted of a giant cake made out of hostess/little debbie cakes. My eight-year-old heart filled with delight. Eventually, I googled “little debbie cake” and, subsequently, “giant little debbie cake.” There are about seven solid pictures floating out there in the internets of cakes like the one I imagined. A sampling:

http://www.bridalguide.com/blogs/bridal-buzz/snack-cakes-as-wedding-cakes

http://media.cakecentral.com/modules/coppermine/albums/userpics/629353/jennifermlittledebbiegrooms05-.JPG

This one’s my fav: https://thesundaysoup.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/6a00e553cb542a8833012876a0bfcf970c.jpg

Finally, after a couple of months, I decided that I needed an excuse to make it, The-Not-So-Little-Debbie-Cake. This excuse came in the form of my friend’s birthday.

Now I didn’t want this to be something that would elicit a mere, “Wow, that’s a big cake,” I wanted people to recoil in distaste. If you listened closely enough, you could hear their pancreas weeping bitterly. A cake that would make you hunt out the rarely-used, biggest-knife-you-own just to penetrate the skin of this frosted beast. Something so mind-numbingly unhealthy that doctors everywhere would throw down their stethoscopes in disgust. So revoltingly rich that Cookie Monster himself would throw up and offer you a shot of insulin.

First I bought all the ingredients one would use to make a normal giant cake, then I bought the snacks: Oatmeal Creme Pies, Hostess Donettes, Zebra Cakes, Swiss Rolls, Chocolate Cupcakes, Boston Creme Rolls, Nutty Bars, Ho Hos, and Peanut Butter Crunch

I made two cakes for the base: one 11 inch round and one bundt cake. Both were chocolate cake. I frosted these with peanut butter frosting I made from scratch:

Once the base was completed I began to decorate the outside with the little debbie snacks. It’s pretty easy to fit the snacks together into little designs. I could not help but giggle the entire time I was doing this. It was difficult, what with the sugar induced shaking, but I managed to piece together the cakes into my own version of The-Not-So-Little-Debbie-Cake. Take a look:

Much to my chagrin, everyone enjoyed it. The cake was a huge success at the party and it was demolished within an hour. I only wish I could have brought it to a classroom of 2nd graders, or perhaps some Nutrition wing of a hospital in the Diabetes Belt of America. I know it’s the ultimate unhealthy cake, but it was just so much fun.

8-year-olds’ dreams do come true.